Poke Wars: The Pointless Menace

After waking up today in the blissful hours of the afternoon, to the sounds of my roommate playing COD (of course), I began my daily routine of duties. I relied on primal instint to hunt and gather food, leftover spagetti and some cheese flavored Munchies. They didn't stand a chance.

Obviously, I joined my roommate in his slaughter of noobs. After a good half hour of that, I brushed my teeth, groomed my beard...all the necessities. I did not find it necessary to get dressed any fancier than my pajamas, since I've decided to stay in all day. Having (more or less) nourished myself, it was now time to check the college version of "email": Facebook.

Everyone has a routine when checking their Facebook. For me, I battle through my notifications first. It's usually the same; some thoughtless idiot tagged unflattering photos of me, or maybe some high schooler participated in one of those ridiculous questionaire things and posted their results on my Wall. "So and So answered a question about you Jake!!! It's super important and requires your valuable time!"  But I digress.

Messages are next, if there are any. Then I check my Facebook games, which I care very little about but they're great time-wasters. FINALLY, I come to the most idiotic and interesting parts of my Facebook journey: Poking.

First, let's talk about the purpose of this. When Zuckerburg and the Facebook team designed the poking concept, what the hell was going through their heads?
  Perhaps they were exploring the ways in which humanity interacts with one another.
    Perhaps its a big sexual innuendo..I really shouldn't have to explain that.
      Perhaps people LIKE it when annoying idiots poke them. 
        Perhaps there's no damn point at all.

I'm going with the last one.

Anyway, today I was greeted with several messages of "Your friend has poked you. Poke them back!"
 
I've never felt more betrayed. Just when you think that your friendships mean something, they go ahead and attack you for no good reason. All those years of comraderie exercises, building trust, the sharing of common experiences...all for nothing. Either that, or it IS all a sexual innuendo. And if I've learned anything about dating, it's not a stroke of genius to get "involved" with your friends.

 So what am I supposed to do? Of course, I have to poke them back. Otherwise I'm neglecting them and maybe provoking them further. So when they log in, they get a message that I've poked them. What happens next, you ask?  They poke me back.

And the whole rigamarole starts again.

Can someone answer just one question for me? WHEN. DOES. THIS. END?!  I mean, how is victory acheived in this pointless battle? Does it end when one of us literally dies, and is unable to go on Facebook anymore? Do I have to hire an assassin to kill them for real? But, again, that be would what a BAD friend would do.
And clearly, I'm not a bad friend.

So I guess out of confused respect, I'll play along for now. But I think Facebook wants us to be at war with each other. It all starts with a poke.